Amazing

I almost cried at 1:45 pm today. My mother has been putting in apps and calling and going to interviews for 3 weeks now. She had an interview this morning. I got up after I couldn’t sleep still (my arms are having fun now that my leg is fine).  I got my lunch of beef ramen (my favorite is made by Maruchan plus you can’t beat the price) and headed up to cook it. She was reading on her phone (which is her new favorite thing to do, might get her a kindle soon or something so she can read bigger). I started my ramen and asked her how the interview went.

“I got it.”

Wow. So excited. “Great news!”

“I go tomorrow for papers and my schedule.”

“Awesome.”

 

I am excited for her. Trust me everyone was getting annoyed of her being home 24/7, even her.

 

When I started this post Ash called. I answered in a panic since earlier this week she pulled a muscle in her side and was sent home.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, $100 for your mom right?”

“Yes, why?”

“I was trying to make sure.”

“Okay, I will talk when you get out.”

“I am out.”

“What happened?” Remember, her shift was until 5:30.

“I was moved today and I get out at 2.” I wanted to scream at her. Overtime is nice. Especially for everything we have planned.

“Why?”

“I was moved.”

“Fine.”

“I’m giving my mom her $20 and stopping at the bread store.”

“Why? We don’t need bread.”

“I’m stopping at the bread store.” I wanted to strangle her.

“WHY!?!”

“For breakfast snacks.”

“Why didn’t you just say I was getting breakfast food?”

“How much do we have to use elsewhere?”

“100 for rent, 10 for me (I’ve been doing all the chores and I need money for the horse folder), 20 for your mom, and gas with a bit of food.”

“I only need 20 for gas.”

“Okay, why?”

“I pulled the 120 for my mom and yours. I have 117 left. What do we have left if we pay the phones?”

“117-10 for me, 107-50 for phones…” Typing into calculator on laptop by this point. “We’d have 37 for food.”

“Good, we get a fill up on our card Tuesday. We’re good.”

No, we’re not. “Talk to me when you get here. We can figure out the shopping list then.”

 

So long story short, I’ve been keeping a journal. In it I write things weird. Example was the first one:

I am excited and grateful Ashley has a good job. I am excited and grateful Ashley has a good job. I am excited and grateful Ashley has a good job. (I did it 10 times but you get the point).

The next one:

I am excited and grateful to feel less pain. I am excited and grateful to be able to walk longer. (stuff like that)

So:

1. She got a job 6 days after I started.
2. I got the shot 1 week after I wrote it.

So I was writing for my mom for the last 4 days. Guess what? She got  a job.

I don’t care if you believe in LOA (Laws Of Attraction) or not. I was doing it to get it out of my head. Nothing really to stress about. I am starting to believe this has something to it. Even if it just peace of mind for me.

Honest Review: Alskate Fun Center

 

So to start this is a skate rink. Nothing fancy but a lot of fun. So my mom for my nephew’s birthday (1/26/2008), he wanted to originally go ice skating. We told him to go ice skate on the side walk so we decided regular was better. He was thrilled. So…we went.

Okay, best deal in town is:

$40- 4 people get in, skate rental, LAZER TAG, and 12 tokens to play games.

But you have to pay ahead of time online. No big deal in today’s digital era. So the inside hasn’t changed since I was a kid going there for school field trips. And trust me, you NEVER forget how to skate. So a dj was willing to take requests (and did). He rarely played slow songs and for the most part it was a mix of modern and older music, country to rap. It was a bit of all for everyone.

So lazer tag!?! Okay bear in mind, I do not play shooter games. So this was a bit out of my zone. So…it was 13 total. 4 adults the rest kids under the age of 13. Do you realize how uncomfortable it is to be playing with midgets? 3 of the kids didn’t even come up to my hips. One was SOO tiny she barely fit her vest (I mean this thing ate her). I laughed at the tiny one. She stayed with me and Ash in our base. SO MUCH FUN!!! LIKE ADULTS RUNNING AROUND WHILE KIDS ARE SHOOTING EACH OTHER!!….This is a lazer tag not REAL GUNS!!! NOT REAL GUNS!! Also lazer tag is older than me, so no issues forever. ANY WHOOO…..

 

So I didn’t get ANY shots of the floor to skate on because PEOPLE!! Also during intermission…I was in lazer tag. Any way snack area has eh prices. A large pop (medium size any where else) is $3. No refill. And trust me you gonna want a drink. It’s a work out there. We got 4 pops for $12 and 4 pops and a order of cheesesticks for $13. So not bad…but…not the best.  They have cotton candy (in a tub), pretzels, pizza, popcorn and Pickles to which you can get a shot of juice for 50 cents.

 

The game room…was something. Some games took 1 token, a couple took 2, and some took 4. So bear that in mind when playing.

 

So for games you need a prize area:

 

So over all it is a fun family place. Saturday open is from Noon to 9 pm.

New Years Eve hell

So with us having expected my mom to be of SOME help since it was HER friend we were buying a car from, tempers exploded. I have managed to hold my temper for a while. High school I was nicknamed “Short Fuse” for my temper. Elementary years were pretty much the same. Anyway, she took Ash out for coffee. OH MY EVER LOVING GODS!!! She tried to convince her to stay *rubbing bridge of my nose as I type* AND expected her not to tell me. Just because her relationships kept secrets doesn’t mean we do. Just yep. My mom claims to be JUST WORRIED ABOUT MY HEALTH. Like bitch please. You’ve tried to convince me not to go using what happened in the 90s to my uncles as reason for us not to go.

Alright before this post is a rant post I can tell you Christmas was a week ago…and it was…something…at least.

So let’s start with Friday before:

I was sick! I mean bed or toliet ridden sick. Fever the whole 9. I was NOT leaving the house. So Ash went to tell our friends who had made it to the house about us leaving…in a fun way. We wrote a message and put it in a small glass bottle (ha ha ha note in a bottle) then wrapped it and CANDY in shrink wrap for them to open with dice. She said they had fun with it. Our friends are kind of like….okay it happens and happy for us.

So Saturday we visited my oldest friend (the one I told you I was more worried about).

I was still not feeling good but I was feeling better and I rarely get a chance to visit with her since her fiance is the definition of ASSHOLE. Any way, we packed up the presents we had and some extra small things we thought the kids would love. She has 2 kids by the asshole. ANY WAY!!! We got lost going to her house…trailer…thing that costs $1200 a month to RENT. UGH….any way, they had to get a roommate to cover part of it (dispite her working 2 FUCKING JOBS WHILE RAISING THE KIDS!!). Any way, we made it and went inside. Her youngest Toby was in the high chair eating while Sammy (the older one) was running around. It was great to see them again. It was. Sammy always wants to talk and play when I see him. ANY WAY!!! We had her open her presents and she kept saying sorry.

“I really do feel bad I don’t have anything for you guys.”

“It’s fine. No worries. Keep opening.” We reassured her.

It was all for her (minus the kids cups that don’t spill and a couple cute books). She actually squealed which to be honest was the happiest I’d seen her since she met the asshole over the Homeward Bound book we’d found for her. After she finished making Sammy’s dinner and getting him set in the high chair while asshole SAT ON THE COUCH DOING NOTHING!! She knows how I feel about him which is half the reason we don’t get to hang out that and he makes her hang out with him ALL THE FUCKING TIME. Back to the issue at hand.

So after she finally sat to eat HER dinner, he got mad that she didn’t make him some. Like seriously? She just got off work, had to feed the kids since you couldn’t be bothered to move on your day off, and YOU HAVE A BRAIN THAT KNOWS HOW TO COOK GET OFF YOUR ASS!! She told him to get something himself. He didn’t move. Just grumbled about it before starting a cool anime on Netflix. He didn’t even ask her if she had anything she wanted, didn’t ask her if maybe she wanted a nap. SHE LOOKS LIKE A FUCKING RACOON!!!…sadly that is an insult to coon eyes. She was yawning. He didn’t care. She hates horror movies…no fucks given by him.

So Sammy was put to bed since he skipped a nap because DADDY couldn’t be bothered to put the kid to bed. Toby was still up and wanted to be held. So I played with Toby for a few minutes then he started to look sleepy so I decided to help her since ASSHOLE couldn’t be bothered. I rocked softly humming lightly so it didn’t interupt the anime and within 3 episodes Toby was sound asleep. With help, I got up and took him to bed. He only woke for a minute. Returning to the living room, mid episode of anime and he switched it to a horror movie. KNOWING FULL WELL SHE DIDN’T WANT TO SEE ONE!! Rant didn’t end apparently.

Okay so Sunday….was wrapping and relaxing day while she shopped with her mom and cousin. She was irritated and annoyed when she got home. I was still not feeling well.

So now it’s Christmas Eve.

1. We are NOT religious. Do NOT waste your breath about this holiday being about some baby being born in a barn. You are barking up the wrong tree. If you believe that, more power to you. Not saying anything about it. Just NOT my cup of coffee.
2. My family has a bit of weird traditions. We do family gifts on Christmas Eve and SANTA gifts on Christmas Day.
3. Ash and I don’t exactly have traditions yet. We haven’t had a chance to make any.

My family knows NOTHING about us. Clothing? Wrong sizes. Shoes? Wrong size. Smells? YUCK. But the blankets are nice and hot chocolate is nice and the Supernatural Notebook is nice. I am grateful. So is Ash but MEH. They really don’t even try any more. I got a couple nail polish kits to.

Christmas Day:

Ducks, stuffing, NO YAMS (crying still), mashed potatoes, green bean thingy, deviled eggs,  stuffing, and pies. It was nice. No arguing. Kids ate. It was pretty decent meal finally.

 

NOW…not really sure why I lost my temper over the car thing. I think it’s because she keeps making excuses and keeping us from talking to her friend. I’m not sure. Anyway…we only have $400 for a car and he was gonna sell us his WORKING car. Now I question if she isn’t lying to keep us from looking at options for a different car.

 

Anyway, I will do a Christmas gift post later. I am dealing with getting things around for it. Talk later. Movie time.

Adding to an injury

I was walking to the house from the back of the pasture. I’d finished riding and taking  a few pictures. I had stopped to take a picture of a cool frog before it happened. I was almost to the lean-to (it’s at the front of the pasture), my right ankle gave collapsing to the outside. Pain shot through me. I made my way to the house slowly. I didn’t feel more than pain. Nothing was swelling…yet. I sat and put ice on it. Babying it a little. I sent pics to my mom to get her opinion on if I should get it checked or not.

As I have plans for August 11, to go hang out with people at the local fair. I wanted to be sure what was going on. She advised me to go to the emergency room. It looked bad to her. I wasn’t sure still. So I went to dinner with friends. I tried to put my shoe on my bad foot….it was a tight fit. It didn’t look swelled but it was. I went. I ate quietly (as much as I could stomach since it was hard to eat in pain). By the time we were done, it was decided I was going up. I had to remove my shoe (hard to do) because I was loosing feeling in my toes.

Well shitty trip to er. I was treated like I was waisting their time or something. Well, after an xray, it was sprained (they think) and I was put in an air cast. That was Saturday. Today is Monday and it is still swelling. So I am going to be in a wheelchair at the fair since the crutches hurt after a short time and make me exhausted quickly and since we are going down at 11 am and staying well after 5. I’d collapse. So for now I am pushing to get a normal sense of things.

Late Night Thoughts

It is hard these days, my mind is racing a million miles a minute. Some on stories I write for my sanity (and often sleep), some on figuring out what I need to do for winter, some on fixing the lean-to in the pasture…but mostly on my dad.

Would he honestly be proud of me? Did I break my promise in his eyes? Would he see me to frail to continue trying to keep my promise?

In the early summer of 2012, I was walking around our local bookstore and talked to him about my future plans with Shadow. I often asked his advice on training or equipment so it was nothing new to discuss these topics in public. He was if I was serious enough to attempt something so out of the norm. I reminded him I never did the norm. He nodded.

“If you take on rodeo, you must understand the loneliness, the disappointment, the setbacks you will face.”

I nodded this time. “Yes, but it is often how I lived my life, is it not?” See growing up, I often switched hobbies and in doing so often had to figure new things out. I was curious in most things and others I did for experience (or because it was cool). I rarely kept long term friends so I was never surprised if one just stopped calling me (yep, I’m a 90s baby).

Looking back, I realized he was warning me. My mother didn’t approve of me riding Shadow, let alone competing at break neck speeds. She found rodeo to be…odd at first. I got her to watch it with me on tv that December. She thought it was interesting after that but to this day does not believe Shadow and I have any talent. My father often saw what my mother couldn’t. A passion. A drive. I’ve loved horses and I’ve always been competitive.

I was not exactly close to either of my parents. My father moved to Florida when I was 8 and returned before I was 12. My mother had seizures when I was 7-8 years old as well as physical rehab. Although I had my sister…I was never all that close to her. It wasn’t until she realized I was not changing my mind, that she began to go to the movies or a huge festival with me. She likes horses but doesn’t believe in us either.

So my dad, my guardian angel, is my biggest fan. I often hear his advice when I need to hear it again. I am never far from my goal but I am no closer to it than I was before he passed.

Fiance Faith

Since I was put on medical leave in 2016 due to my foot, money has been tight. I keep focusing on the goals we have and trying to figure out how to get around them. I had tried going back to work. I ended up quitting March of 2017 from my job at Tim Hortons. Between the pain I was having and the stress, I was getting physically sick trying to make enough money to pay bills.

I have been in physical rehab since December of 2016 so getting back to normal hasn’t happened. I recently finished my 24th session of therapy on my left arm. No more the insurance would cover. Joy. So any way back to topic on hand.

Ashley has been my rock. And sometimes my headache. Love. Makes people confusing. I have been asking her between therapy sessions if she wants me to go back to work. Her answer. NO. Every job we have talked about me working at (literally every place hiring here in town) requires me to be able to be on my feet for more than 4 hours. Guess what? I can only handle 2. After that the pain starts to make me sick. Not just ‘take a Motrin and you’ll be fine’ pain, but pain that will leave me limping and crying for hours to days. She’s watched me go from ‘someone call in? Sure give me the hours’ to what I am now. I HATE it. I miss being able to be independent but that was when I was told about blogging.

So begins  the research. Oh the hours of research I’ve been doing. Why? I need it to become my income. To be my JOB. Fine. Dealing with it is easy. So many bloggers tell you to use bluehost or self hosting websites. They all want between $60-$400. Sure, not a lot in the long run but when our car keeps breaking (no literally the gas tank isn’t even connected properly to where you put in gas) and we need a front end thing and the list is growing.  Plus food for us, bills, cat food, horse food, clothes (as needed), and gas for said car…well you don’t get anything extra. I’ll lay it out in english for you.

Start of month:

Rent: 255             Phones:50         Gas: 100        Loan: 91      Cat: 40      Horse: 45

Total: 596  out of  $669 which leaves $73 for food for us. Not a lot

End of month:

Rent: 300      Gas:    100

Total: 400 out of $669 which leaves $269 for food (or Tupperware which is becoming a problem)

 

So yes, I’d love to just get the $60 and run with a true blog but guess what!?! I don’t live in a fantasy land. I will be starting it soon though on  blue host. We have been talking about it for a while now. She wants this to be my job. So need shit to start.

Ashley Hendricks

Above: black shirt is Ashley with her mom and friend.

Ashley has been my friend since the end of 7th grade. I still remember our friend, Hailey drug her to my table. I had sat on my first day at the new school. She has been a blessing since.

She went away to college for culinary. She loved every moment. We had a couple fights during her college time but we made up not long after. She came back and we’ve been together since. She lived with her mom on a farm with a few different horses. She was never happy.

Her with her college friends heading to a party. Everyone of them had made her life at college the best experience.

She has been helping me with everything since she I broke my collarbone. She made sure I had popcorn chicken and coffee when I needed it (that was all I wanted after surgery). She gave me no complaints.

When I got seziures she understood my new issues and listened to what was necessary for her to do if I had one. She stayed by my side. The worst part: when I was walking I had a mini seizure in the middle of the road and broke my elbow, she blamed herself for not catching me. I never blamed her. I was ahead of her. She took care of me again while I recovered from that surgery.

 

The pictures of the last few years. She got a tribal cat tattoo to show her personality on the outside. Her at the cement park we got to go in 2016. The other one was her favorite picture of herself with her hair having a good day.

She has learned to love Shadow. She refuses to let me give up on my dream. No matter what happened. She was the one who found out the black part of my big toe was just blood. She cleaned it and helped my nail heal. She picked up hours at work to cover the problems we were having due to my injuries. She currently isn’t expecting me to go back to work until I am 100% ready.  She doesn’t expect me to over work my leg or arm. She does what I need and I do what I can for her.

She is my fiance. I love her. We’ve been together for 2-3 years officially. We get asked all the time when are we getting married. She said when we are ready it will happen. She reminds me that I can do it. My pain is passable.

 

She was sharing music with Shadow as I got ready to grab his equipment bag on the other side of the fence. This was 2016. She has been helping with him. They get along and he is the first horse she loved. She is afraid he’ll step on her but she never leads him so she has an easy understanding.