Well…updates

1. Team Beautiful Shadow update
2. Spazz
3. Holidays
4. CRPS
5. Broken bones (yep)
6. Family

SO… GREAT NEWS. Team Beautiful Shadow went from just me to a new group. We got Jessica, my cousin, who is going to school for BUSINESS as the NEW manager. We got a wonderful PR and fashion  person named Hope. We even got a girl named April who is going back to school for vet. Talk about an amazing change of pace. We’ve even broke down the necessary steps of what we need and how much we need and even what we need when. New things are beginning. We’ve began to look at horses. We even looked at a filly named Indy (we just decided she was too tiny for us) and a gelding named Thunder (bad back).

I ended up with Spazz in the breakup. Thankfully. She is a lot happier with me than trying to deal with cats who spray.

So…Halloween was nothing. Kids didn’t want to go out either. Thanksgiving was weird. I had been dating a guy named Mike (it was a weird boredom). I had my family dinner than work then a couple days later his family. He made me very uncomfortable that night. So…Christmas was great. Team party and family party. It was a long few days. I did nothing for New Years.

CRPS has been a bit different. It hasn’t spread or even got worse yet. So I’m taking advantage of it.

So in August 2019, I had the metal removed from my elbow. It had shifted so it was needed to be gotten rid of. But in the beginning of Janurary 2020, I broke my left middle finger. Not thrilled.

Update: shit

So here are the topics in order of whatever to worst:

1. update on my mom’s job thing
2. Caleb update
3. Horatio update
4. update on Ashley
5. Spazzy update
6. CRPS update
7. Shit

So my mom got 2 jobs. She is working at a gas station (she’s not sure how much longer) part time and for the local high school full time. She loves the school one and it pays a lot better like $9.45 vs $11. Both have benefits and paid vacations but she’s not sure yet. She is glad to be working again.

So my nephew Caleb is almost 14. *rubs bridge of nose*. This kid. So highs and lows right now are that he’s having anger issues over video games (do NOT blame video games, alright) but he also broke his foot. *sighs* so my nephew has always been a bit on the angry side. He’s never taken it out on people before which to be honest is a family trait (his mom and me both have anger issues always have). Anyway, he just broke his desk again (this time it started with my mom standing on it to fix his ceiling that his brother broke jumping around upstairs). No big deal. Grounded from his playstation. So the broken foot. *sighs rubbing bridge of nose* this one perplexes me. He dropped his laptop (it’s for school) from his lap onto his foot and literally broke it at an angle. His mom and my mom didn’t even realize it was broke until he complained while I watched him one night so I asked him to show me what he was talking about. Sure as shit I could SEE the problem. He had been walking on it for about 3 weeks before he complained enough for me to see it. He sees a specialist on Friday (5/3/19) to find out the extent of the damage done.

Horatio….okay so here’s the thing; he’s on the autism spectrum (not sure where) and mentally I’d say he’s reached about 7-8 tops and he’s 11. He’s so damn hyper. He can’t sit still (and when he does he doesn’t shut up).  So Monday, this bouncing child stopped being hyper. I knew something was off when he woke up and didn’t want to go to school, didn’t want a shower. No fuss. It was odd for him. So after school, he proceeds to inform my mom and me that his tooth was killing him. Like he’s in tears in the backseat from the pain. So dope him up and call his dentist. Friday (5/3/19) he’s seeing a specialist in Lansing because his roots are cutting his gums on 2 teeth (they are baby and will probably be pulled) but in the mean time, he’s not sleeping, barely eating, and just laying around.

So my mom and I are going with Caleb to his doctor while my sister (due to laws and shit) take Horatio up. Fair warning LONG car rides and Horatio are not friends.

So…people win. Ashley broke up with me after spending a weekend with her “friends” and her mom’s boyfriend. Migraine. So to start these so called “friends” used to be my friends to. I will quote them:

“She’s just mentally abusing you. You deserve someone who will kiss the ground you walk on.” -Cort

“She’s just lazy. She’s lying about whatever she has.” -Mymy

“Just break up with her lazy ass.” -her mom (who up until she lost her horses liked me)

“She’s not contributing to your life.” -her mom’s boyfriend

“She should do everything for you.” -ex manager Autumn

I told her fine. She wants to believe everything people who don’t go to doctors with me then fine. I don’t fucking care. I was so angry and hurt. Worse is I have to act like we’re still dating till she moves out in the summer because otherwise she’d be kicked out.

So with that drama, Spazz is moving with her. The anti-social mama’s girl is moving to a house that will constantly be full of people and be left alone most of the time (she’s a needy baby). Apparently, I am unfit to care for the very cat I do everything for. My mom even said she’d give me small things for me to do to earn the money for her food. So I said fine. I’m gonna get my own kitten.

Update: physical therapy has pushed the medicine from my spine out. I am back in extreme pain and the swelling is off and on. Bonus: I can’t even walk around the store without my foot swelling and hurting. We also managed to test my legs apart.

Left (no CRPS): 150 lbs

Right (bad): 50

average: 90-100

So to be technical I can handle my weight but because of the right leg, I can’t.  We’re going to be working on that. Wednesday (5/1/19) I had therapy and we tested that and I almost cried in pain. 1- I can’t cry. Not because I don’t have reason to but because I turn purple and can’t breath.

Oh and the NEW SHIT….I have to go have shoulder surgery on my right shoulder. You know the one that just “needs therapy”. I tore something in it.

Amazing

I almost cried at 1:45 pm today. My mother has been putting in apps and calling and going to interviews for 3 weeks now. She had an interview this morning. I got up after I couldn’t sleep still (my arms are having fun now that my leg is fine).  I got my lunch of beef ramen (my favorite is made by Maruchan plus you can’t beat the price) and headed up to cook it. She was reading on her phone (which is her new favorite thing to do, might get her a kindle soon or something so she can read bigger). I started my ramen and asked her how the interview went.

“I got it.”

Wow. So excited. “Great news!”

“I go tomorrow for papers and my schedule.”

“Awesome.”

 

I am excited for her. Trust me everyone was getting annoyed of her being home 24/7, even her.

 

When I started this post Ash called. I answered in a panic since earlier this week she pulled a muscle in her side and was sent home.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, $100 for your mom right?”

“Yes, why?”

“I was trying to make sure.”

“Okay, I will talk when you get out.”

“I am out.”

“What happened?” Remember, her shift was until 5:30.

“I was moved today and I get out at 2.” I wanted to scream at her. Overtime is nice. Especially for everything we have planned.

“Why?”

“I was moved.”

“Fine.”

“I’m giving my mom her $20 and stopping at the bread store.”

“Why? We don’t need bread.”

“I’m stopping at the bread store.” I wanted to strangle her.

“WHY!?!”

“For breakfast snacks.”

“Why didn’t you just say I was getting breakfast food?”

“How much do we have to use elsewhere?”

“100 for rent, 10 for me (I’ve been doing all the chores and I need money for the horse folder), 20 for your mom, and gas with a bit of food.”

“I only need 20 for gas.”

“Okay, why?”

“I pulled the 120 for my mom and yours. I have 117 left. What do we have left if we pay the phones?”

“117-10 for me, 107-50 for phones…” Typing into calculator on laptop by this point. “We’d have 37 for food.”

“Good, we get a fill up on our card Tuesday. We’re good.”

No, we’re not. “Talk to me when you get here. We can figure out the shopping list then.”

 

So long story short, I’ve been keeping a journal. In it I write things weird. Example was the first one:

I am excited and grateful Ashley has a good job. I am excited and grateful Ashley has a good job. I am excited and grateful Ashley has a good job. (I did it 10 times but you get the point).

The next one:

I am excited and grateful to feel less pain. I am excited and grateful to be able to walk longer. (stuff like that)

So:

1. She got a job 6 days after I started.
2. I got the shot 1 week after I wrote it.

So I was writing for my mom for the last 4 days. Guess what? She got  a job.

I don’t care if you believe in LOA (Laws Of Attraction) or not. I was doing it to get it out of my head. Nothing really to stress about. I am starting to believe this has something to it. Even if it just peace of mind for me.

Exciting news

So here is the discussions:

1. Lumbar puncture
2. Silk Bows
3. Big news
4. Exciting new

 

So I got the lumbar puncture and nerve blocker. HURT LIKE NOTHING I’VE EVER FELT BEFORE!! At first. Before the numbing goes in, a blue needle looking thing has to go in. I was fully awake and aware…the second attempt. The first one gave me an allergic reaction so we had to avoid that option. So sedation was out. But the staff at University of Michigan Back and Pain Clinic, talked me through it…about horses. Different breeds, my plans with some, and what this shot meant to me. It fucking worked! I went from a size 8 shoe back to a size 6 1/2. That is a BIG difference. Also now I need new shoes. Which is the best news.  We are going to be scheduling the next one for between my shoulder blades to reset the arms. We are thinking it might be a yearly shot. Yippee.

Silk bows…one of the staff members offered to make me a custom silk bow made by HAND. Takes him 2 hours to just get the thread made. He does every part. He loves horses and was the one doing most the talking to keep me distracted during the shots. He is an amazing person. I can’t wait to thank him at the end of the month.

Big news? Ash got a job!! That was the biggest relief before the shot was that she had a new higher paying job. Me? I can’t walk on my foot still for very long. Now I really feel the glass shards when I am walking longer than a half hour (will explain to therapist on Wednesday). But the bad news attached was my mom got fired when the minimum wage went up. So double edged sword on that one. She is getting her first check tomorrow. $230 for 3 days of work. She works for Maci making $12 an hour for between 8-11 1/2 hours a day. She hates the hours but she will love the checks. She might even be working the weekends. Not sure yet. She has to ask on Friday. She hates the machine she is on because it’s hurting her thumbs but she’s made friends at her job which makes me happy.

Alright so the best news I’ve had since September….

I AM GETTING A NEW HORSE!! Before I hear the whole bull shit about why sell just to get another one, I had to. I needed to end that chapter of my life. Shadow was an amazing horse but sadly he came with some…bad memories of what I endured to keep him. Now I can start with a clean slate. I’m thinking a black or buckskin horse, maybe mare. I will be shopping and trying no less than 8 horses before I pick my new one. I’m actually going to be picky. No auction horse this time. I need a 3-4 year old who has some experience with the saddle. Green broke will be fine and just shown the saddle is amazing.

I wasn’t trying to forget this thing again. I’ve just been in so much pain in my hands that typing was almost impossible. Also my sister locked me off the internet for a bit. No big deal. She’s getting money tomorrow (only $100 but our phones are getting shut off for a week).  So this last few weeks have been complicated but I am so excited that things are finally turning around. Maybe some day I will tell you what I mean by the bad memories but first I have to let my mind wrap around having a horse that doesn’t require the same thing first.

Need to remember this

So I really am not trying to neglect this but the problem is typing hurts. Having the nerve problem in both arms makes typing one of those things I call a chore. I’ve barely been able to play Minecraft, work on my stories, write in my journal, or even hold things. The pain is almost unbearable at times. I haven’t given up. Hell right now we’re only living in my sister’s house by her good graces.

So:

1. My sister is letting us stay because of my health
2. My mom is more pissed
3. Ashley is taking me to a temp place to see if they can find something for me to be able to do
4. She still isn’t working.

I am mad that she’s decided and didn’t think it through that she’s going to live with her cousin. Problems:

1. Her cousin plans to get a loan for $35,000 with her as a cosigner
2. Her cousin is demanding her to get a $35,000 loan for upgrade costs
3. Her cousin is getting two dogs (that I will be stuck dealing with when I’m there)
4. Her cousin is doing all the deciding on everything.
5. Her cousin is moving Matt and his 2 dogs and 2 cats in

So I got into with her about those the other night. She won’t change her mind. I’m not going to live in a house where we get no say in anything and OWE way too much. Did I mention for that same $35,000 we could get a new truck and a nice apartment? She won’t listen to me about it so I am probably gonna live with my sister longer or get an apartment on my own. I am not having anything to do with that plan. Also any other upgrades done that cost more than the loan have to be split between them.

She plans to sell the house. Okay? Houses in that area are only going for $65,000. You’re going in owing $70,000. You will NOT make any money on that house. No one wants to listen to me. I’m looking at it logically. All it really needs is a bathroom upstairs and the basement insolated and maybe a few upgraded things in the kitchen. Where in the world does it make sense to expand the house just so you can put 2 bathrooms UPSTAIRS in a tiny area? It’s stupid. 1 bathroom is perfect. Nothing else would be needed. BUT no. She has a whole house being redone while living in it and working. I see it being a failed venture. Not the idea being bad but the way they are going about it. Go for something like $14,000 (my sister’s house is an example). Put in the $20,000 in upgrades (bigger kitchen, better stairs, new roof). Sell for $70,000. Let’s do the math here: costs- $34,000, sell-$70,000. Profit of: $36,000 total. So the break down would be each: cost-$17,000, sell- $70,000/2, bringing out a total of $35,000 each minus $17,000 (start up) equals a profit of $18,000. Why not do it that way? Makes sense.

Sadly her cousin wants to take on a huge project that she won’t finish because it will be too much and cost too much and make nothing back. But what do I know? I don’t house hunt in my spare time at all.

Update 3/7/19

So topics:

1. CRPS update
2. Recent fall (like Sunday night and it’s Thursday recent)
3. What happened after I tried to get the nerve block shot
4. What happened when I told LA Colors the issue I had
5. Spazz update
6. Summer plans
7. Next 5 year plans (long topic)

So #1: it’s gotten worse. I was sent to University of Michigan Pain Clinic (probably not the actual name of the place). It is in the mall parking lot. No literally I walk out the clinic and BAM I see Macy’s empty store. So this was the plan my new doctor decided:

1. new medicine
2. nerve blocker
3. new doctors for get this- general health, dentists, and phychatrists
4. Physical Therapy

Simple. So that led to PT again. Plan here is gonna make you rub the bridge of your nose.

1. 6 months to get stable on my ankle
2. 1-2 years for walking fully
3. 2-4 years for a chance at running properly.

So I explained to the guy that I can walk….sometimes. He explained it had to be done in baby steps there since I just wanted to hop on the lovely balance beam. I explained the whole been in PT for 2 years and it’s done NOTHING to help me. In fact I’ve only gotten worse. He explained if they had done it right the first time, I wouldn’t be in this situation. By the way, my doctors don’t really have a fondness for my hometown doctors (mostly for their inability to do what is needed for special problems). He said he can see when I walk that there are areas that need a lot of help and it’s obvious to him at least why the falls keep happening and as to why surgery has to be put off on the ankle.

Oh before I forget I have a NEW ankle doctor there to. He wants the pain clinic to sign off on me so he can do the surgery. He gave me a BRACE for my ankle that looks like a shoe (I’ll do a post on it later).

So #2: I was walking up the stairs to go to the fucking kitchen to eat (like I was holding my pop and ramen). I fell. At first I felt my knee cap pop out of place so that I had to wait on. Guess what? I fell on my bad leg. Anyway not the biggest problem that came from it. I dislocated or did damage to the soft tissue of the rotator cuff and shoulder blade. FUN. NOT.  Pain is constant and turning my head to the right only makes it worse. So I got xrays and saw Dr. Brewer for it. Long week trust me. She said, PT for it. Yippee. UGH.

#3: So last Thursday (like a week ago; 2/28/19), I had scheduled the nerve block with sedation. Normal. Boring talk before, insert painful iv in hand, get taken in room with xray machine that helps the doctors. I was given 1 injection. Not even the nerve blocker. So I was laying on my stomach, iodine on my back. Within seconds, I felt like bricks had been laid over my body. Breathing became difficult and I was puking. They took me out and gave me a shot for the nausea. NO help. Inhaler was given to me and they told me to discuss the next course of action with my specialist. So here I was laying in the bed puking my guts out having trouble breathing. Do they offer a steriod shot to counter? No. I finally decide I was okay enough to go home (ha ha ha ha). I got to the car and passed out. I woke long enough to eat since it had been over 12 hours since I ate then puked it up. Followed by passing out in the backseat again and waking at gas station to puke some more. So that lasted a whole 4 days during which my throat became sore and I lost my voice. Happy to report it’s over with now. No I didn’t go to the hospital due to the damn thing about different hospitals bull shit.

#4: I love customer service there. I let them know about the issue I had. They told me to send them the bad machine and they will find out what is happening to it and send me a new one. I was grateful for the fast response.

#5: Spazz is fine. She’s still trying to kill me in my sleep except now she’s found just leaving the blanket half open irritates me to wake up. She has slowly began to eat dry food without getting sick. She’s on a softish and hard dry food mix (grillers I think, i don’t keep it in a bag). She is still hyper but mad I had to sell my saddle (which scammed me. I got $200 cash for it and a check. The check turned out to be fake but that is a rant for another time)

#6: apparently we’ve decided to buy a house with her cousin who wants a dog. No. No. No. I get no say this time. NO! It boils down to the fact of the matter I need to still be close to my doctors and it’s not far. Her cousin (my ex manager) might be able to redeem herself in this time period or make me hate her. We shall see. We plan to sell it after a lot of renovations are done to it.

Which leads to #7: it is going to be a 4-6 year project and we plan to get me a horse and competing in the mean time to make me relax.

Honest Review: L.A. Colors Polish All The Way

Oh. My. God. So I got this kit for Christmas and I’ve been trying to find the motivation to review it. So tonight…I decided why not. Must buy your own batteries first (AA x2).

So MINI bottles of polish of course. Glitter that ain’t worth a dime (I love glitter). So I tried it with the purple polish FOLLOWED THE DAMN INSTRUCTIONS and it turned out shitty. I love polish. I own more than 100 DIFFERENT polishes and 6 glitters plus 2 powders. I know enough about it to at least make a fair call.

1. Polish was too runny so I ended up using my own for the powders.
2. base/top coat? Really they are 2 separate things (I generally do not use but do own)
3. the containers were cracked for a couple glitters
4. Using the dryer smelled like smoke.

So I do not recommend this product at all. The smell alone is dangerous.

Sorry about the delay

So we have a bit of time left before we’re homeless. (sigh). But nothing has changed. I have a shit ton of appointments in Ann Arbor and it’s so cold here that I fell again 2/15/19 and hurt my left heel. Yippee. I didn’t go to the doctor or anything. It didn’t bother me till I tried to go to sleep. I will be posting later a couple things I did in Minecraft.

1. I made a horse trailer
2. really cool design to a simple building

Also waisted my last $26 on a deal I thought would actually pay (fucking assholes doing commission based bullshit). I am gonna have to quit before next month. So I am also going to be posting the rodeo thing I was doing on the side (you know vision shit) which has what, where, entry, winning and a sepearate sheet for miles and hotels.

I have a big year I’m trying to figure out. I am GOING to the NFR before I’m 35. Period. Somehow. Not sure. BUT I AM!!!

Update

Well…I’m not sure how often for a while I will be able to write. We are about to be homeless. No more money for a hotel, or rent. We thought we’d have it figured out but turns out not really.  But I refuse to admit defeat to my family. No work, no money…I’m running out of hope. My pain is getting worse from the cold and fast change to 50s. I am going to deal with a lot of things.

I am working my life through. I will find a way. I know there has to be. A miracle has to change.

Honest Review: Steak & Shake

One of my favorite places to eat and with good reason. I used to go for the grilled cheese (way back when I was a kid) and then I switched to the fresco burger, now it’s a double ‘n cheese with fresco sauce on it. Why?

So right now they have a 4 meals for $4. They include either burgers or chicken things, fries, a cookie, and a side of your choice. YUM!!! So I pay a little extra to get the seasoning on the fries (double order).

Now I’m a FIRM believer in, your waitress should at least like her job. Dy is one of them. She is my usual and one of the best. Never had bad service with her working. Great food, great attitude, always checking, answering if we need her, and an all around amazing person. She is hard to miss if you come in around like 9-10 pm. I’m a night owl so yeah.

So we visited tonight. I took a friend with us (she paid for her own shake) and she was surprised by the level of respect, promptness, and memory Dy had for our orders. We’re simple people. Good food and good staff keep us coming back. Any restaurant should know this.

“Your staff can make or break you.” -DO NOT REMEMBER WHO SAID IT (used to watch under cover boss).

I will always suggest at least trying the fresco sauce for dipping fries in. Yum. Garlic sauce is good to but not a personal favorite.

Miss Dy

 

1st shake: real strawberry banana; 2nd: dark chocolate (I hate shakes but I love this one); and 3rd is a cookies and cream.

 

We had onion rings to. Both got the same order only difference is she didn’t get the same sauce. Ash got the ranch (normal for her).